I’m used to Polish cooking. Eat. More. Good. Barring that, if you’re looking to induce a heart attack and overfill your calorie allotment, this is your menu.

I’m beginning to suspect that Dick’s Sporting Goods—what an unfortunate name—is in cahoots with McDonald’s. (No, I will not link to them.)

On that list of foods to avoid inhale is an entry from The Cheesecake Factory. The 6-carb slice of cheesecake. Phooey. Who eats cheesecake just to count carbs?

Get off your lazy ass.

Now, if you’ll excuse me while I grab some Häagen-Dazs. It’s urgent.

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